Posted in Humor - General, Politics - General

Indian Political Debates – A Spoof


That, what is being termed as the largest democracy on this planet Earth – India, has a long cherished political system that cannot be emulated in any other part of the world, even if it is another democratic country.

So just for kicks (and to better spend my Monday night), the imaginary cells of my upper left cranium have decided to put together a mock Prime Ministerial debate along the lines of the US Presidential debate, which by the way is going on for eons already.

Anchor: “Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman! Welcome to TV476…We are here in front of the historic 1000 year old temple, which is right across the street from the historic 1020 year old mosque which sits right next to the 600 year old cathedral, which made the city of “Rampetersbad” famous! This is the first of our ‘Aapka-Nala’ sponsored prime ministerial debates we have in this election season. We have prime ministerial nominees from all the 31 parties from all the 28 states standing right behind me in alphabetical order – that is in alphabetical order of the states..”…

Anchor:”On the upper level, we have…^@*&!^@& of All Sikkim Super Forward All Communist Progressive Front (ASS-FACPF)…and..*****”

20 minutes later..

Anchor: “Sorry – I am not sure where I am..May be there are 2 more to go..But I am tired..”

A few minutes later…

Anchor: “So – Mr. CHGA^&%$, we all understand your original stand on the Nandigram issue and the subsequent flip-flops. Can you elaborate on where exactly you stand now? What do you think that the state government should have done?…”

Mr.CHGA^&%6$: “See..the point I have always made is more rights for the depressed. I am not sure what the ruling party in Orissa was thinking..but had I been the chief minister, I would have handled it differently..”

Anchor: “But why Orissa?”

Mr.CHGA^&%6$: “Why not Orissa? You asked about the government…I am saying that the Orissa government should have handled it differently. With no caste bias..or political bias. They should have opened the dam at the appropriate time – when the farmers in the neighboring state of Haryana wanted it..”

Anchor:”Sorry – I am not sure where you are going with this. You have me totally confused. I will move on with the next question. This is for Mrs. GHF..Mrs. GHF, why do you think we have more suicide cases among the rural farmers in a few states and that rate seems to be increasing consistently…In your manifesto, you have a separate 10 point program designed for this…?”

Mrs.GHF: “Yes. This is where I differ from my opponents. I have always believed in helping the farmers by providing uninterrupted rain service throughout the year..”

Anchor:”That’s interesting and quite revolutionary. How do you plan on doing that?”

Mrs.GHF: “I have been in public service for 35 years. When my opponents were in their kindergarten classes, I was busy fighting for my village citizens’ rights to buy rice in the same yellow bag as my neighboring village citizens’. So I have complete respect among international leaders and I have more experience in foreign affairs than all my opponents’ experience put together. Because I have always believed in maintaining good relationships with people across our border specially those who live in Assam, Sikkim, Manipur and Tripura…”

Anchor:”But how does this ensure that you will be able to provide uninterrupted rain service?”

Mrs.GHF: “Good point. Now, I don’t want to get into technical details here in this forum. But that’s why I have constituted a science and astrology committee with members, whose recommendations I will follow”..

Anchor: “OK…”

The anchor decides to call off the debate as the debate has already brought down the viewership..and at this very moment only 31 television sets are actually turned on (outside the TV 476 main studio)..

—-

PS: I think I started off writing this blog with some fancy ideas – but somewhere along the line, I was down with cough, cold and fever…and hence my imagination took a sick turn in a week’s time. Nevertheless, my half-baked attempt at a political spoof can be easily skipped if you choose to. I am going to record it here just for my own “sick-state-sake”.

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Author:

Besides fantasizing about being a Peter Gibbons at least for a couple of days at my work, I think I have a long way to go to realize some of the other fantasies. But like any ambitious man out there, I will get there! Note: All views expressed in this blog are mine alone and have got nothing to do with my company Cogent IBS, Inc., its employees or any of its affiliates.

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