Posted in Cricket, Humor - General

42nd match – Random collection of thoughts

Watching a not so consequential ODI cricket match on a Sunday has its own benefits, especially in a web 2.0 world. You tend to have a lot of time to express your thoughts into a vacuum called twitter, where a few may pick those up and a few may miss them, but you get the satisfaction that you have said what’s in your mind at that moment. In many ways, these momentary thoughts (tweets) are uncorrupted by what happens next and hence not influenced or biased. They are how exactly you feel at a given point of time. Even if you are trying to add a humorous or a creative twist to your tweet, it still is based on that moment, unlike a blog post where you have the opportunity to collect all your ideas about a particular incident or topic & present your conclusive view in a much more balanced way.

This blog post, is an attempt to present a somewhat humorous side of the Ind vs. WI  (played on March 20 at Chepauk, Chennai) match’s proceedings through some  tweets from my timeline (sorry if I don’t give individual credits to the people who actually tweeted them  – because I am not doing a cut and paste but trying to jot down from my memory)..

Most of these tweets were from rameshsrivats & jhunjhunwala while some were from me & vamseekamana.

  • Some teams are born powerplay. Some teams achieve powerplay. Some teams have powerplay thrust upon them. (On India’s batting batting power play being taken at the 46th over)
  • Munaf Fielding Rule for all batsmen playing against India: If you hit the ball towards Munaf you should run n+1 runs where n=no. of runs you would run when Munaf is not the fielder. Exception: When Munaf is bowling, remember n->-1
  • If Muralitharan can turn the bowl even on Moon, then Munaf Patel can bowl wides even on Moon’s surface..
  • Well played West Indies. It is nice to have friends like you in the opposition (after the loss)
  • West Indian Collapso (as the WI batsmen began to collapse)
  • Darren Sammy is going to kill himself. Getting run out by Munaf is the ultimate humiliation for a Batsman..(after Sammy got run out in Munaf’s bowling)
  • Ravi Shastri is a software and not a human being (On Shastri’s cliched and predictable commentary)
  • Somebody get a wire because Shastri is about to have a feeling that this match is about to go down to it (again on Shastri’s cliched commentary)
  • I hate you Ravi Rampaul. May people throw Uday Chopra DVDs at you (On Ravi Rampaul’s wicket taking spree)
  • I hate you Ravi Rampaul. May you get acting lessons from Arjun Rampal (On Ravi Rampaul’s wicket taking spree)
  • Sreesanth’s exclusion from team is just because of election code of conduct in Kerala (based on a comment from Shashi Tharoor)
  • The Chennai people are bored.With this match, they expected a Rajnikanth film. So far it has unfolded like an Uday Chopra film (when India was going at a slow pace with Yuvraj/Kohli and Dhoni were batting)
  • Shastri : So Dhoni, how has the World Cup campaign been so far? | Dhoni : Well off course.
  • Today is a big day. India vs. “What Columbus thought was India” (before the match)
  • “Simon Taufel” – Anagram – “Fault is on me” (after Simon Taufel failed to call for a TV umpire review on what looked like a clear run out)
  • Chennai fans. Leave now. Else Autokkaarans will charge you triple rate (after the last WI wicket fell)
  • In a live demonstration of The Law of Unintended Consequences, Aswhin is making Harbhajan look ordinary (on Ashwin’s & HBS bowling)
  • Pollard gone. Well done White Dog (when Pollard got out a few moments after a white dog was spotted by the sight screen)
  • I think Ponting would prefer to go to Mirpur for QF given his TV history in Ahmedabad
Posted in Humor - General

To Suzan Amma

From: Me

Dear Suzan Amma,

Greetings. You sure know me even though I don’t know you. I received your god blessed mail and I have only four questions to ask you before I make my decision. To make it easier, I have posed my questions on the same mail you sent, which I am attaching herewith for your convenience.

Awaiting your response in the name of God Almighty.

God bless you, your family and all of us..and while he is at it, may he also be made aware that Japan has had enough in the past one week and it is time he stops messing with the nuclear reactors.



Response to Suzan Amma
Posted in Poem

An addictive war…(The story of a city)

An addictive war…(The story of a city)

Cadets and Commandos, descended on the barren land –

Cartridges and Cannonballs, detailed for the enemy territory.

Armed men and Alluringly armed women, deemed to win –

Artilleries loaded, seldom demure of their potential reach.

They strode in their tanks – Blink less as only bulbs could be,

They turn right and then left, just like they should be.

All the way to New York, where it branches off to Luxor and Venice,

All the soldiers now in an endless path, taking them to Caesar’s palace.

Through the gates of Lion’s Den, Through the doors of 54th Studio,

They spot their enemies around the tables with coins stacked like a volcano.

The soldiers take their positions as the clinging noises of their ammunition echo,

They now are ready to roll the die and win some dough at the MGM Grand Casino.

Posted in Cricket

ODI Cricket need not be a batsman’s game..Introducing a Twist!!

I am not a cricket buff. At least not anymore. Or so I would think before the start of every major tournament and I did the same till about a month ago before the world cup kicked off. But then, who can resist the temptation of watching hapless bowlers getting mercilessly plundered by flat, bounce less, tepid and dry pitches match after match (Leaving Afridi and Malinga aside)? This compounded with the fact that I have managed to free myself of any high pressure & deadline demanding responsibilities at work, has helped me to keep track of all the batsmen who are having a great time, all the other batsmen who are cursing their luck for not having a great time and all the bowlers who are ready to hang their boots after this world cup.

This world cup has become a “runshed” of sorts. My memory, quite involuntarily takes me back to the 1983 world cup. Probably because that was the first world cup which I followed with a wide understanding of what cricket is all about, while maniacally supporting a team & a few players – like a true cricket buff in spite of the tournament being played in England and in spite of the absoluteness of no TV coverage where I was then. For me, it was a novel idea to begin with, to even follow a cricket game that gets over in a day, for all I knew till then was Test cricket which for some reason brought a certain kind of joy every time I opened the Sports page on “The Hindu” and saw that the team batting had managed to get all out in 2-3 days. With the 1983 world cup format, each team had to bowl 60 overs. Which meant, the batting team had a little more time to settle down before going on an onslaught. There were people like Richards, Kapil Dev, Botham, Patil, etc. who could clear the field with much ease. Still, a team scoring over 220 or 230 runs or at a run rate of 4.0 was considered insane. I may recall only a couple of matches where teams scored over 300 (at a run rate of over 5.0). Given that kind of exposure or initiation to limited overs cricket, I can’t help but acknowledge that things have changed quite a bit.

The past couple of days I have been waking up with a guilty feeling. And that feeling lasts probably a couple of minutes. And it has got to do with the fact I missed watching all the 63 balls that Kevin J O’Brien played – LIVE. When a team is chasing a mammoth 327 runs in 50 overs, it is not often a cricket buff sits at home to watch the chase live – specially on a work day and definitely not when the team chasing is Ireland. So, there I was following the score online and at some point intuitively switched to watching the game live online..That point was when KJO had just crossed his 50. The way Ireland went about chasing a score like that and the way most of these pitches have been designed in general throughout the world cup makes me believe that this format of 50 over game is continuing to make bowlers more and more irrelevant in a very insulting way, especially if it is played in the Indian sub-continent.

Malinga and Afridi may have been the exception so far in my books. As they have done consistently well by bowling mostly unplayable balls and getting wickets when needed. But then there are a few more matches to go and time will tell how good they continue to be for the rest of the tournament.

If this trend continues, may be in a couple of decades, teams will be selected based only on batsmen. That brings me to the main purpose of this blog post.

I hereby propose a new twist to how teams should be selected and played for ODI games (and even for T20 games). Each side picks a Batting team, a Bowling team and a Fielding team.

May be a 7-7-2 mix. Or a 7-6-3 mix. Or even a 6-6-4 mix.

Remember the basic rules of cricket remains the same. 11 players on the field – Get 10 batsmen out to bundle out the opposition – etc.

Now let me try to outline how this format would work very briefly by taking the 7-7-2 mix as an example.

  • Batting team can bat only 11 of their batsmen to play for 10 wickets.
  • They have to play off all their 7 batsmen (not necessarily as the first 7 batsmen) in addition to playing 4 from the remaining 11.
  • They don’t have to decide at the beginning of their innings (but can if they want to) who their batting 11 is going to be but they can’t leave room for any mistakes.
  • Bowling/Fielding team has to come into the field with 11 players. This can be any 11 from the mix.
  • Bowling captain can choose from any of the 16 players to bowl. But the 7 bowlers in the Bowling team has to bowl at least one over before an 8th bowler can be brought into attack.
  • The 2 fielders picked as part of the fielding team has to be in the field all the time unless injured.

Ok. So do you get the general picture?

With that background, here is a chart I put together for what could have been India’s line-up in their first game against Bangladesh in Dhaka and what would have been the score (of course all from my imagination) had they played this way.

Possible Indian Line-up under the new format
Imaginary Scorecard (under the new format - Batting XI and Bowling/Fielding XI)

May be I am onto something. Time to patent this…