Posted in Humor - General

A Petting Experiment


Boxer Dog Illustration

<Speaking into a Voice Recorder>

𝟓:𝟎𝟒 𝐀𝐌

"Hello, Good Morning!

This is Ganpy.

It's 5:04 AM on Feb 2, 2019. It's a Saturday.

A big day for the Groundhog supremacists. The temperature outside is 4 deg F with a windchill of -1 deg F. It feels like spring already.

Meantime, the lab is ready and I think I am all set for my experiment. I am very excited about this. I hope I have all that I need with me. Will do one more scan of the lab with the checklist. At this point, am just waiting for the subject to arrive before I start the preparation."

𝟔:𝟎𝟎 𝐀𝐌

"Hello. It's me again.

The subject has just arrived. Will complete pre-experiment preparatory steps soon. Shouldn't take that long.."

𝟔:𝟏𝟎 𝐀𝐌

"I am sure you heard all that noise.

Morning hugs and licks exchanged. And I can confirm now that the subject is ready because she is in the most ideal position for the experiment.

Also..for the record, I didn't have to give any treats to the subject as part of this preparatory phase."

𝟔:𝟏𝟐 𝐀𝐌

"Hello, We are ready to begin the experiment. Really anxious and am super excited."

𝟔:𝟏𝟑 𝐀𝐌

"It's time.

The objective of today's experiment is to test Tayga's endurance level to belly rubs.

I will be studying the relationship between the applied pressure of my hands and Tayga's excitement level and will be measuring the variations of all these parameters over a period of time in order to find that exact threshold time period at which Tayga says 'Enough!! I am done with your belly rubs..'.

Because under normal conditions, these belly rubs last only 2-3 minutes and I don't get to see any change in her excitement level, there is no data available to determine at what point of time Tayga pushes my hands away and says enough.

I will be recording my observations over a period of time and the method I am going to use to measure her excitement level is simply visual and emotional.

Ok, here we go.."

𝟔:𝟒𝟎 𝐀𝐌

"Hello! I am happy to report that the experiment is proceeding well. The subject has settled into a comfortable position and hasn't moved much in the past 20 minutes or so. Her eyes are partially closed. Like she is dreaming. There may even be a smile.."

𝟕:𝟐𝟕 𝐀𝐌

"Back again.

A quick update.

Nothing much has changed since my last update. If this continues for another 30 minutes or so, I will have to switch hands. Also, in case this makes you happy, Phil didn't see his shadow and that according to Phil means spring is really coming soon.."

𝟖:𝟏𝟓 𝐀𝐌

"Hello again!

More than 2 hours since we started the experiment.

I had to get some water as I started feeling thirsty, which was something I didn't account for. But I had help and could get my drink without any interruptions to my experiment.

The subject is still holding steady and absolutely no variations. If any, there is more drool now.."

𝟗:𝟎𝟕 𝐀𝐌

"Hello, this is me again.

I am at a point where I have to make a crucial change in the experiment.

I would like to make it on record that the objective of my experiment has been altered.

The objective as it stands now is to find that specific threshold time period, when Tayga opens her eyes, lifts her head, and rolls from one side to the other.

Also, I have asked my lab assistant to massage one arm while the other one is being used to conduct the experiment."

𝟏𝟎:𝟑𝟎 𝐀𝐌

"I hate to admit. And I had not planned for this scenario.

My arms are beginning to hurt, in spite of all the help, I am getting through acupuncture and pressure point massages.

The objective has been slightly modified again.

As long as the subject opens her eyes, and even for a fleeting second gives me a wink that I understand as she telling me that she is done, I will take the measurements and stop the experiment.."

𝟏𝟐:𝟐𝟕 𝐏𝐌

"My assist..err..hrr..re feeding me lunch.

Tayga still in same pos..I think I am getting dehydra..or cramp..it..hurts..ok..later.."

𝟏:𝟑𝟏 𝐏𝐌

"I am abandoning the experiment.

I repeat.

This experiment has been abandoned.."

 

Author:

Besides fantasizing about being a Peter Gibbons at least for a couple of days at my work, I think I have a long way to go to realize some of the other fantasies. But like any ambitious man out there, I will get there! Note: All views expressed in this blog are mine alone and have got nothing to do with my company Cogent IBS, Inc., its employees or any of its affiliates.

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