Posted in Donald Trump, Humor - General, Politics - General, Satire

The Facebook Cabinet

A sneak peek into the first 7 days of President Donald Trump’s administration

If what we have seen of Mr. Trump till now is anything to go by, then we can expect the 45th President Elect of our country to disrupt how day to day activities of his White House administration are going to be performed. We have already gotten a hint, that he is going to do away with day to day press briefings. This means the entire White House press corps will be out of job. This also means there won’t be any WHCD, or will there be one without the President?

Also, my bet is on Trump to influence everyone in his cabinet to use social media for day to day administrative activities.

Here is a sneak peek into the first week of what the cabinet meetings/decisions/interactions would look like after Mr. Trump takes oath.

Jan 20, 2017

Mr. Trump, sends out a tweet in the morning, about how excited he is, how much he is looking forward to making America great again and why moving into the White House from Trump Tower is such a depressing thing to do for him. Then, he and his entourage, including his wife, children and grand children, make a grand entry into the National Mall area, either on a helicopter or on a horse drawn carriage with confetti. His hand picked cabinet is already there and they all are getting introduced to each other.

Then the oath ceremonies take place, including Kanye West singing the National Anthem. Ted Nugent follows it up with a two song performance where he uses an AK-47 as his percussion instrument. Then Andrea Bocelli brings the house down with 5 songs, that only about a dozen people seem to enjoy.

In the evening, Mr. Trump attends two presidential balls, both of which are telecast on facebook live. Kellyanne Conway is responsible for using Mr. Trump’s phone to do facebook live at both the balls. The evening ends on a happy note for team Trump.

Jan 21, 2017

The 45th President starts his presidential duties..

By 7 AM, he is getting on the nerves of Elaine Cho, the Transportation Secretary.

Jan 22, 2017

Rick Perry, the Energy Secretary, is itching to get some action.

Jan 23, 2017

Betsy DeVos, the Education Secretary has some big plans and she has been waiting for this day to make this announcement. As someone who has “devoted her life” for education and children, this is something she has really thought through.

Meanwhile, Scott Pruitt, the EPA Chief, much like Betsy DeVos, has spent most of his life working on Environmental policies, especially developing policies to bring catastrophes of the highest magnitude to this planet in the shortest possible time.

Jan 24, 2017

Rex Tillerson, Secretary of State, someone who is not new to oil, is already working hard and has embarked upon his first official foreign travel.

The Treasury Secretary, Steven Mnuchin is ready to make a big policy announcement as well. He has been working behind the scenes on this for almost two months and it’s time now to make it officiail.

Jan 25, 2017

Must be a slow day by Mr. Trump’s cabinet standards.

Jan 26, 2017

This is the day, all of America would be shocked and surprised. VP Pence, decides to share the big news. One that fulfils a campaign promise. Yes, that’s right. Mr. Trump actually fulfils a campaign promise in 6 days. Just 6 days.

Jan 27, 2017

The first week is almost over and who better to round it off than Tom Price, the Secretary of HHS? Another campaign promise fulfilled. Whoa!

Jan 27, 2017

James N. Mattis, the Defense Secretary, has been asked to deal with some “domestic” issues. But no one really notices the massive national security risk this may have imposed.

Towards the end of the day, the White House counsel steps in to declare the results of the first week.

What a week!

Note: If you are wondering how those ridculously high numbers of likes for certain posts or comments came about, here’s the secret…
Shhhh!!
It’s the Russians. They hack into everything.

Disclaimer: This is satirical work. All images were created using a photoshop like tool and the views expressed in the images are fictional.

Posted in Satire, Uncategorized

‘Brex Pistols’ set to release its debut album

(Feat. 45th President Elect Donald J. Trump)

Nov 15, 2016
London — Fictional Bureau

The latest British Punk Rock Band “Brex Pistols” is all set to release its debut album on Nov 16, 2016, exactly a week after Mr. Donald J. Trump got elected as the 45th President of the United States of America. The album titled “Never Mind The Bollocks (In the Middle)” has already created a tremendous buzz across social media and as of this morning, hashtags #NotMyBollocks #SexitOrBrexit and #NMTBITM were in the top 5 trending topics on twitter in the UK.

Never Mind the Bollocks (In the Middle) – Album Artwork

The band’s lead vocalist and its frontman Nigel Farage had this to say..

“I think frankly when it comes to chaos you ain’t seen nothing yet. I mean chaos in the music industry. During the (Brexit) referendum I said I want my country back. What I’m saying now is I want my music back, and it begins right now with this album.”

To a question if this album will have any reconciliatory tone at all given the prevaliling bitter atmosphere in the UK after the Brexit referendum, Mr. Farage and Mr. Kassam were quick to say “NO”.

“Listen! That goes against the fundamental pricinples of the very foundation of this band. We will continue to be nationalistic, racist and anti-immigrationary in our tone. And this album, in particular will be extra inflammatory in its theme because of the recent US election results. The highlight of this album is going to be a bonus track, which we in fact, just completed recording. The track titled “Anarchy in the world” features Mr. Trump. We can’t wait for the world to take a listen. Peace.”

The band also released this picture of themselves with the President Elect Mr. Trump, which they took while in New York last Saturday.

The “Brex Pistols” with Mr. Donald J. Trump
L-R — Gerry Guntser (Drums), Arron Banks (Bass Guitar), Donald Trump, Nigel Farage (Lead Nationalist, Racist and Vocalist), Andy Wigmore (Keyboards), Raheem Kassam (Backup vocals, but primary duty is to give an Islamic shade to this group picture). Photograph: Raheem Kassam/Twitter

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Disclaimer: This is a work of satire published with the sole intention of humoring those who enjoy such posts. The album artwork was created exclusively for this post. The above picture of Nigel Farage, his partners and Donald Trump is an original picture as shared by Raheem Kassam.

Posted in Donald Trump, Humor - General, Satire, Uncategorized

“World Series was Rigged”, Trump

GOP Presidential candidate was quick to slam Cubs, while offering sympathies to Indians

Nov 03, 2016
Cleveland — Fictional Bureau

With less than a week to go for the Presidential elections and with the state of Ohio still up for grabs & perhaps within his reach, Donald J Trump did what Donald J Trump normally does. He cried foul.

As soon as news started pouring out from Cleveland that Chicago Cubs have won the world series, the presidential candidate was quick to register his sympathies for Cleveland Indians through a tweet, may be because they are a team from Ohio. We can’t find a single real reason why he would hate Chicago other than the fact that President Obama is from Chicago and Hillary Clinton was born in Chicago.

Here’s the tweet he sent out as soon as he found out that Cubs had won.

During the press conference that was held a few minutes ago, when a reporter in the room asked what his proof was to the claim that world series has been rigged, his campaign manager shared a copy of an email that has been obtained from the latest wikileaks hack job. This was an email apparently sent by Donna Brazile to the Cubs manager Joe Maddon.

When our reporter further insisted on more proof, Mr. Trump threw this printed “conspiracy” image on our reporter’s face and walked away.

As Mr. Trump was walking out of the hotel lobby, he turned towards the reporter and said,

“..If you can’t confirm from that image that the world series has been rigged, especially that Game 7 has been rigged tremendously, then I am not sure you deserve to be a reporter. I think even you are rigged bigly…” .

Note: This was the image that Mr. Trump dropped on our reporter’s face.

Supposedly THE image that has all the evidence we need, to confirm that the world series was rigged

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Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece with photoshopped images (including that of the Donald Trump tweet), published with an intention to humor those who enjoy such pieces.

Posted in Satire

Zen and The Art of Smartphone Maintenance

150824080516-the-wisdom-project-zen-exlarge-169.jpg

I am not talking to Chris. There is no Chris in this story. And this is not a story based on actual occurrences. Although it is possible that I am talking to a eleven year old like Chris. Or a Twelve year old. Perhaps even to a twenty five year old. As a matter of fact, I could be talking to anyone with a smartphone. So, once again, to be clear, I am NOT talking to Chris.

That brings me to the story.

“New model of iPhone releases tomorrow”, I yell.
“I have seen lots of those. I mean, lots of such new smartphone model releases..”, you say.

“Oh”, I nod and start thinking to myself. We now have a generation of 9-10 year olds who have grown up with smartphones and know nothing different. They don’t get impressed with new models getting released every other month. I reckon one has to be old to appreciate such “events”. Or should have at least lived during the dark age, aka the pre-smartphone age to be excited about such events.

“But this one is a new iPhone release. The mother of all such events. They don’t happen every year. Ok. I’ll correct myself. They do happen once a year..Or twice a year. But still a rare occurrence given it is from Apple”, I say in a fading voice. I know I am losing my battle to engage you and by now, I have given any hope I may have had to trigger a drop of excitement about the big event scheduled to happen on Sep 7.

A grown up adult like me does things with an iPhone, in a way that is completely different from any teenager or for the story’s sake let us say,  from a eleven year old. There is no novelty factor anymore, but there is a pride of ownership. I have seen this device – this iPhone 6 that I am holding in my hand, the one I am staring at every 2 seconds, as I anxiously wait for my friends’ reaction to a wisecrack that I just spluttered out in a college WhatsApp group..yes, I have seen this device evolve from a flip phone, when such devices used to weigh a couple of pounds at the minimum. But the eleven year old doesn’t know that because the eleven year old has never held a flip phone in his/her hands and has never experienced the joy of carrying a fanny pack sort of a belt clip to hold that heavy phone as he/she walked around. That’s when it dawns on me. It’s sort of like Television for my generation.

It’s Sep 6, 2016. The day before. I don’t have any Pre-Apple event rituals that I follow. None that I recollect anyways. But I wonder if I should indulge in some. Start a tradition perhaps. But why? To what end?

We all are just communicating. What primarily used to be voice based communication that these phones used to enable, has now transformed into text based communication. Voice based communication is almost secondary now.

“Apparently it’s going to have better cameras”, I holler as the noise of a passing vehicle drowns my voice.
“What?”, you look at me puzzled.
“Well of course, You have seen that before…Nothing new I suppose”.

I invite you to join me on my side of the table. The burly man in white, who I sense by his impatient body language, has been waiting for a seat for a while. Or he has a severe case of growling stomach. Either way, he quickly pulls the chair you were sitting on, away from the table to move towards another table. I notice an iPhone 6 plus peeking out of his sweaty palm. He rests himself on the chair with some physical challenge, the act only exacerbated by his continuous indulgence on the smartphone . I don’t think he took his eye off even for a second.

Where was I?

“They say iPhone 7 may not be a huge jump from iPhone 6. But who knows? I am going to get one no matter what. They are also speculating that Apple will drop a new Apple Watch along a new MacBookPro..”
“Oh..”.

The burly man is still busy staring at his phone. The waiter has to tap on his shoulders to get his attention. I think I caught a glimpse of the yelp page of the restaurant open on his phone.

“I think he is looking at the reviews..”
“What..? What did you say?”, you, completely unaware of what is going on around.

That’s when I notice that you have been staring into your smartphone as well, all this while. And I hear you whisper something.

“What did you say?”, I ask gently.
“Oh..Nothing. Apple has been playing the catch up game for a while now..”.
“You mean, they don’t lead smartphone innovation anymore?”.
“Of course not. Which world do you live in?”.
“I guess the same as you. Ha ha..By the way, I have never used any other kind of smartphones. Been an iPhone user all my smartphone life..”.

You lift your face and look at me. May be for the first time during this entire conversation, I see you making eye contact with me. I see you smile but with a bit of an annoyance.

“I can never understand you Apple fanatics..”, you say with a bit of disdain.
“Hey, I am no fan of anything. I just like iPhone..”.

Through the corner of my eyes, I could see the man at the next table still staring at his phone as he quite skillfully cleans up a bowl of soup. Broccoli Cheddar with bacon bits. The restaurant is known for this soup. Yelp seems to have played a role in his decision making.

“So what is your favorite smartphone?”, I decide to become more open about others’ smartphone choices.
“I really don’t have any..”.
“But..but..you are very judgmental about iPhone users..”.
“That means nothing. I mean I find this whole excitement silly..”.
“Hmm, I don’t know. You are right. It’s a bit silly. But I can probably explain..”
“I am sure you can. Do you see any other smartphone releases preceded by so much press, media coverage and fan frenzy?.”.
“Exactly my point. You don’t and that’s why I was trying to get you excited..You seem to have an absolute equanimity as far as smartphones go…”.

I see you break a smile. And you once again make an eye contact with me. This time a bit deeper. A bit stronger connection. As if you have made a point.

Posted in Donald Trump, Humor - General, Politics - General, Satire

Donald Trump announces his VP Pick

And surprises everyone

New York — (Fictional Bureau) May 20, 2016

10:45 AM

In what is widely being perceived as a surprise move, the leading GOP Presidential Nominee Mr. Donald Trump announced his running mate for the 2016 General Elections, catching everyone in his staff completely off-guard, once again. It was confirmed by Dr. Ben Carson, the chair of his VP candidates search committee, that even he was not aware of Donald Trump’s pick till the eleventh hour. Going one step further, Dr. Carson shocked everyone by stating that he hadn’t even heard of the running mate’s name till Mr. Trump whispered it in his ears.

The Republican Presidential candidate, on Tuesday, announced that his VP pick is an outsider just like him and is someone who will prove to the world how irresponsible the media has been all along on their manufactured stories revolving around his ‘alleged’ misogynistic behavior and divisive & discriminatory words and deeds. By picking a woman of Hispanic origin as his running mate for the 2016 general elections, the likely GOP nominee has perhaps made his first move to win the trust of both women and hispanic voters, amongst whom, he is currently polling at less than 5% nationwide as per the latest liberal media polls.

Juannita Millerina

No one knows much about Mr. Trump’s VP pick Ms. Juannita Millerina at this point of time, except that she was a 2002 Miss Universe contestant. Mr. Trump and Ms. Millerina worked closely together to fix the final outcome of that year’s contest, which Ms. Millerina eventually won. It is rumored that they may have developed a very healthy professional relationship since then, although very little information is available to indicate under what capacity Ms. Millerina may have been working for Mr. Trump or his Miss Universe pageant organization, all these years.

11:58 AM

BREAKING

Reliable sources confirm that Donald Trump’s VP pick is none other than Donald Trump himself posing as a Latino woman named Juannita Millerina.

We cannot confirm yet if it was Donald Trump who posed as Juannita Millerina to win the 2002 Miss Universe contest and if yes, then who may have posed as Donald Trump in the picture below.

Donald Trump with Juannita Millerina. 2002 Miss Universe Award Ceremony.
Donald Trump with Juannita Millerina. 2002 Miss Universe Award Ceremony.